as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
