the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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