so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
