Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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