"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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