I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
