I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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