I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
