now i know why i became what i already was.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
