Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
