i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
we should paint friendship bongs
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