you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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