I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
