new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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