also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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