Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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