The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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