if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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