Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I need to calm my uterus...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
