i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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