The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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