I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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