I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
