My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize