I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
