this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
