Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
