Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
