so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
