I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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