Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
