Yo dont text me then not text me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
