You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
