idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
