tell your sister to shave her snatch
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
