Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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