dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize