why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
