I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
