why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
