She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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