Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
