I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize