i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
