she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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