Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
