Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
