I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
