Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
