last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
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