It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
