When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
