my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
