jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
