This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
