I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
