How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
