So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize