I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We had to coat check the pizza.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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