I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
