She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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