So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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