I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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