I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
