Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize