Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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