Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
