No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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